Physically debilitating. Soul crushing. Heart wrenching.
Tears streaming. Anxiety evoking. Confusion inducing.
Insecurity raising. Fear of loving. Anger provoking.
Strength building. Passion promoting. Advocate creating.
This is my pain.
My pain was not in the physical act forced upon me.
My pain was not having control of my body taken from me.
My pain is not remembered as the act of my sexual assault.
My pain was…
In the secret I kept from the world for so long.
In hearing, “These kinds of things just happen.”
In the lonely hours of the night crying myself to sleep not understanding and asking,
“Why me?”
My pain was…
In the insecurities I felt about my own body, and what others saw when they looked at it.
In the baggy clothes I wore to cover every inch of me.
In the Friday nights spent staying in alone for fear of the “social scene.”
My pain was…
In the months I felt emotions in a way I had never experienced before:
Anger that raged. Sadness that wept. Aching in my heart that took my breath.
In feeling I was a “burden” to others because of my “issues.”
My greatest pain was in feeling I had lost myself; who I had always been; who I, and everyone else, knew me to be.
My greatest pain was fueled by the belief that “he” stole my life from me;
that “he” robbed me of the life I had planned for myself.
But never forget, strength can be born from pain;
diamonds are created under intense heat and pressure;
“Out of the ashes, beauty will rise.”
Never forget, that HE has far greater plans for your life than those you plan for yourself.
My greatest adventure has been the journey of rediscovering who “I am.”
My greatest pain bore my God-given purpose.
My greatest pain filled me with a passion unlike anything I have ever felt before.
My greatest pain has led to a life filled with the greatest, most unexpected blessings.
My pain was not for nothing.
My pain is part of my story;
it has given me a voice to advocate with and something to share with the world..
My pain has become my strength, my passion, my purpose, and just one part of who “I am.”
My Heart's Melodies 